ah, the Golden Years!



SPECIAL POEM FOR OLDER FOLKS
A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze..
The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know............
Is what tells each one where to go!

Just put some of those bottles in the post for me Bex

WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE

Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul ,
Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.

She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind
their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now
seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?'

The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation
said, “Land mines.”

Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak or where you go):
BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE'S A SMART WOMAN

The Glasgow Brothel

The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties.

"May I help you sir?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is our most expensive lady. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.

Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit. Without hesitation, he pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

Next night the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie said that never before had anyone come back the next night; she was so expensive. There were no discounts; the price was still £5000.

At once the man gave Valerie the money and they went upstairs. After an hour he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded, but he paid Valerie and they again went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The man replied, " Edinburgh."

"Really," she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ."

"I know." he said. "Your sister died, and I'm her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver your £15,000 inheritance in person.”

The moral of the story:
Three things in life are certain:

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

mum, get off my account! i should of logged out!

I like them all!