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    And a few more wee Glesca jokes!

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    Brandykins
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    Number of posts : 2715
    Age : 68
    Location : SW Scotland
    Registration date : 2008-09-24

    aye And a few more wee Glesca jokes!

    Post by Brandykins on Wed Jul 27, 2011 6:45 pm

    What do you call a dwarf who falls into a cement mixer?
    A wee hard man

    Why wasn't Jesus born in Glasgow ?
    They couldn't find a virgin or three wise men.

    What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe ?
    Wee Shooey.

    What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and
    can't find his dog ?
    Wee Shooey Douglas.

    A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
    'Doctor , Doctor! He cries , 'you've got to help me, I feel like
    I'm turning into coconut'
    Says the doctor, 'You're bountae '

    What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
    A bat in the mouth.

    There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its
    hoalidays ?
    The wan wi a wee calf.

    What do you call an illegitimate insect ?
    A fly bastart.

    Hear about the lonely prisoner ?
    He was in his cell.

    What famous costume drama TV series of the 1970's was named
    after a queue for the toilet ?
    The Aw Needin Line.

    The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
    'Fur ma roon shooders'

    Hear about the stupit skindiver?
    He didny have a scuba.

    Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the
    Glasgow Mafia?
    Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.

    What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a social worker ?
    Ye can get yer wean back aff a Rottweiler

    What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karao ke ?
    G'upty Singh

    A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells his mother
    he's been given a part in the school play. 'Wonderful. Whit part is it?'
    she asks The boy says, ' I play the part of the Scottish husband ' .
    The mother scowls and says,
    'Go back an' tell that teacher you want a speaking part!

    A wee Glesga woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining
    room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined
    the baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below normal, and asked if
    the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
    'Breast fed,' she replied.
    well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did.
    He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts
    for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.
    Motioning to her to get dressed he said, 'No wonder this baby is
    under weight. You don't have any milk !'
    I know,' she said, 'ah'm only his Granny, but noo I'm glad I
    came son!'

    A wee woman from Glasgow 's west-end was staying in a hotel in
    Edinburgh , she phoned room service for some pepper.
    'Black pepper, or white pepper?' asked the concierge.
    'Toilet pepper!' yelled the woman

    This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record newspaper when
    his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
    Whit wis that fur?' he cries
    'That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser pockets with the
    name Mary-Rose written oan it,' said she.
    Don't be daft,' he explains, 'two weeks ago when I went to the
    races Mary-Rose wis the name of one o' the horses I bet on.' She
    seemed satisfied and apologises, and goes off to do work around the house.
    Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when
    she nails him again with the frying pan, knocking him out cold.
    When he comes around,he says, 'whit the hell wis that fur?'
    'Your horse phoned!' she said.
    avatar
    Admin
    Admin
    Admin

    Number of posts : 10610
    Age : 68
    Location : U.K
    Registration date : 2008-09-23

    aye Re: And a few more wee Glesca jokes!

    Post by Admin on Wed Jul 27, 2011 8:25 pm

    lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!


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