1st Landywoods Order

I just wish she would go into Sheltered Housing, I am sure there will be another load of stuff when I get there next week, and it will all be thrown out this time as nowhere to put it

Will your mum not allow any outside help at all? The old lady next door to us had her daughter round the twist, completely refused any other help or even respite. When she fell ill & was taken into hospital the daughter basically refused to look after her so a care package was established. She is very frail now, has carer's 4xdaily (daughter visits most days too but now has a life!) but is in her own home which is what she wanted.
Hope the dogs enjoy their bones

She won't have anyone in, says she doesn't want 'people like that' in her house. No idea what 'people' she means. However I have told her she either gets a cleaner in or moves to Sheltered Housing, and if she doesn't sort something out I will, and she won't like it because she never likes anything I do. So we will see what happens. I too am just waiting for the inevitable now, I have told her if anything does happen to her she will end up in hospital, they won't let her go back to her house and she will be put where they say and she won't have a choice, at the moment she has a choice, so advised her to use it. Bit brutal I know, but I am sick of tip toeing around her. I know they probably would let her home with a care package, but wanted to scare her into co-operating instead of constantly working against me!!!
Dogs enjoyed their bones, they love the pigs ears (they are massive and are cheaper than ones that are slightly smaller locally, so a good buy after all) didn't get my filled hooves though, they have charged me for them, so need to get onto them today about that.
Can't get decent shavings for love or money as due to the recession no one is sawing anymore so I have invested in a paper shredder, which I am picking up today if I can, and am going to shred newspaper, I will be literally the local eccentric now as I intend to ask people for their old newspapers

Sorry to hear about your Mum. One set of my grandparents seem to be going the same way but their problem is that they won't accept that there is a problem.

Anyway, on a happier (?) note. My landwoods order arrived today. As predicted I ordered waaaay too much. The freezer is two out of four shelves full of tripe and liver, the fridge is 3 out of 4 shelves full of meal bags - ie a mixture of everything.

I seriously over ordered on the bones. The place looks like an abbatoir now and smells like one too. To add insult to injury Mischa turned her nose up at most of the bits I offered her.

Luckily Paul works for my parent's kitchen company so I've just asked him to keep an eye out for a second-hand fridge or freezer. Will probably still have to give away a couple of bags of bones to my parents for their dogs. There are 10 bags full that I don't know what to do with and a bag of liver making rather a mess on my kitchen floor. I'm glad I'm not a veggie too.

My mum has only just (reluctantly) accepted that there is a remote possibility there could be a problem!!!
have a look on freecycle, worth joining it if you are not a member, keep an eye on ebay,comet clearance site, local second hand shops (thats where I got my super duper new one from), if you can take a small chest freezer in an outside shed I know Iceland do them very cheaply. Bear in mind that the pigs ears were £20 so that is half the cost of a minimum order, so maybe worth getting pigs ears or a box of filled hooves next time to cut down on the amount of actual food you buy until you have sorted it out.

Thanks the pigs ears is a really good idea. I'm a member of freecycle so have posted on there too.

I hope you can work something out for your Mum. I can imagine it must be difficult for her to accept what's happening. x

She is in denial, I had to really blunt and merciless to get her to admit that (in her words) 'she was in a mess' that is the understatement of the century!!!
Well we will see what next week brings, need to have a confab with my brother to make sure that (this time) he backs me up, he let me down over the holiday care arrangements I made for her and backed her up when she refused to go into respite care while I was away, he always backs down from her when she has a tantrum, so will be having words with him as well tonight before he makes his weekly phone call to her from the safety of his home many hundreds of miles away from the battlefront

Perhaps you need to think about getting a court of protection order. Usually its done with both siblings but if you are the main carer then it might work better if you got it for yourself. There's another word for the order but can't remember it at the moment. Maybe power of attorney? Basically giving you the right to make decisions on your Mum's behalf.

We had an awkward situation about two years ago because Paul's grandfather had a power of attorney order for himself as he assumed he would outlive his wife but there was not one for Paul's Nan who has advanced alzheimers. As it was he grandad died two years ago and no provision had been made for his Nan. It has taken until now for the court of protection to approve Paul's Mum and Aunt's application to have control over what happens to her and to gain access to her money in order to put her into a decent care home.

I know its not nice to think about it but if you haven't done it already I would really think about it as its a long process if the person who needs the care is deemed unable to consent to the protection.

We already have Power of Attorney, she made her will some years ago and was sensible enough (at that time!!) to make provision for that, both me and my brother have it, but as you say I am the one at the business end!! She is not bad enough as yet to warrent us using it to be absolutely honest, just at the halfway stage, but I have been watching it coming on over the past couple of years and have been making strenuous efforts to get her into sheltered housing at the very least, but she digs her heels in at the last minute and refuses to go. I had her right at the top of the Housing List at one stage and she refused one flat because she would have had to use the on-site laundry (which was about 10 yards away if that) and couldn't take her washer with her!!

Oh dear! Difficult one really. My Great Gran lived in sheltered accomodation and loved it. She even renamed the house there to Bellevedere which was the name of the street she had always lived on.

I can't imagine what sort of life she would have had if she hadn't lived there. It was like its own little village.

I am going to ring my brother tonight and make him aware that he needs to back me up this time, if not, maybe Susan (his wife) would like to come up to Manchester, do her shopping, take her for her pension and clear the freezer!!! They will soon run out of freezer space - anyone up for a load of tuna pasta bake, or maybe cauliflower cheese, the odd lasagne????

Hope your brother backs you up now. Awful getting old, huh? When I worked in care we often got stubborn old dears/gents admitted in some desperate states, most adamant they wanted to return home when clearly it wasn't an option. Good luck, hope she makes some sensible choices while she still can

The problem is getting her to admit to herself that she is past the time when she can manage on her own, once she has done that, and then admitted it to me and is prepared to co-operate with me finding somewhere for her we are at least up and running. At the moment she will agree to something to play for time, then when it becomes a reality she refuses on any excuse she can grasp at, my brother then agrees with her for an easy life because she knows if she gets on the phone to him and cries and has a tantrum he will give in to her because he doesn't really have to deal with the situation on a day to day basis like I do.

he will give in to her because he doesn't really have to deal with the situation on a day to day basis like I do

Exactly. Maybe it's time he backed you up or took more responsibility? Good luck, fingers crossed for you