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    A few wee Glesca (Glasgow) Jokes!

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    Brandykins
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    thumbs A few wee Glesca (Glasgow) Jokes!

    Post by Brandykins on Mon Jul 25, 2011 7:32 pm

    A few of the ones I like - said in the Glesca accent!

    Some canny Glasgow Jokes

    1. A pregnant teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says:
    "Can ye come and get me? I think ma water has broken". "Okay," says her dad. "Where are you ringing from?". "Frae ma knickers tae ma feet!".

    2. A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?" asks the dentist. "Govan," she replies.

    3. What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography?
    Oor Wullie.

    4. A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: "How much for the set of antlers?". "Two hundred quid," says the bloke behind the counter. "That's affa dear," says the guy.

    5. Did you hear about the guy who liked eating bricks and cement?
    He's awa' noo.

    6. After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing a kilt at the ceremony. "And what's the tartan?" asks his mate. "Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress".

    7. Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq?
    Coo eight.

    8. Three wee jobbies sitting on the pavement. Which one's a Musketeer?
    The dark tan yin.

    9. A Scotsman in London is having trouble phoning his sister from a telephone box. So he calls the operator who asks in a plummy voice: "Is there money in the box?". "Naw, it's just me," he replies.

    10. While getting ready to go out, a wee wifie says to her husband: "Do you think I'm getting a wee bit pigeon chested?" And he says: "Aye, but that's why I love you like a doo-ooo."

    11. What was the name of the first Scottish cowboy?
    Hawkeye The Noo.

    12. What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays?
    A skean dhu-uuu.

    13. How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Just Juan.

    14. A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing.
    "No," argues the assistant, "Look at the label - it says Taiwan".

    15. What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep farmer?
    The Rolling Stones say: "Hey you, get off of my cloud."
    And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: "Hey McLeod, get aff ae ma ewe".

    16. What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect?
    A wee fly b*****d.

    17. Did you hear about the BBC Scotland series that features the queue for the toilets at Waverley Station?
    It's called The Aw' Needin' Line.

    18. What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident?
    The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik.

    19. While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked:
    "What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?"
    "I'd put him off at the next stop," he says.
    "Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?"
    "I'd take the first two weeks in August," he replies.

    20. A Glasgow man, steaming and skint, is walking down Argyle Street, when he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car. "Whit's up Jimmy?" he asks.
    "Piston broke," he replies.
    "Aye, same as masel!".

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    Geri
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    thumbs Re: A few wee Glesca (Glasgow) Jokes!

    Post by Geri on Mon Jul 25, 2011 7:49 pm

    They are great Rose x
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    kachinas
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    Post by kachinas on Mon Jul 25, 2011 8:06 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing


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    Post by Admin on Mon Jul 25, 2011 8:27 pm

    lol! lol! lol! lol!


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    mara64
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    Post by mara64 on Wed Jul 27, 2011 5:13 pm

    being a Glesga lass myself, i love them and i love the glasgow humour.....nothing like it Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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    Brandykins
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    Post by Brandykins on Wed Jul 27, 2011 6:41 pm

    Oh ah love ma Glesca!! Best city in the world - I was born in Govan, Glasgow so "ah comfy Govan!"Smile
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    Post by mara64 on Wed Jul 27, 2011 11:29 pm

    lol. im from near Castlemilk
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    Brandykins
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    Post by Brandykins on Thu Jul 28, 2011 8:17 pm

    Oh that wasn't all that far away really!! I remember a few neighbours going there to live when it was being built up!!

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